Brutally honest advicefor one billionaire* a year.

$1,000,000/Twelve months/One seat

Everyone else on your payroll is paid to agree with you.

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Advice for Billionaires

Re: The podcast

No.

You do not have ninety minutes of things to say every week. Nobody does. The people who told you otherwise want the ad money.

Youhavenotheardthewordnosince2009.

Yourlawyersbillyou.Yourexecutivesreporttoyou.Yourfriendsflyonyourplane.Noneofthemaregoingtosayit.Iwill.Idon'twantaboardseat,arideontheplane,oralineinthememoir.Iwantthemillion.Itfundsprojectsthatmaketheworldabitbetter,likethisone.ItmeansIgettodosomegoodintheworld,whichyouwerenevergoingtopayforwithoutgettingsomethingback.

Youarebuyinganordinarypersonwhostilllivesonthesameplanetaseveryoneelse.Rent,queues,thelot.Someonewithnothingtolosebytellingyouthetruth.Noequity,notitle,nonextdeal.

Theterms.

Fee

$1,000,000

Up front, by wire. Non-refundable, even if you hate what you hear. Especially then.

Term

Twelve months

Clock starts when the funds clear. No pausing it while you are on the boat.

Clients

One per annum

Not shared, subleased, or gifted to your kid as a lesson.

Expertise

None

You have people who know things. You do not have one who will say what they think of it.

Access

Text, call, dinner*

My hours. *Dinner is on you, in New Zealand. I am not flying to the US. I have kids.

Confidentiality

Total*

Nothing leaves the room. *I will tell my wife. Same terms bind her. She has enough on her plate with me. Your secrets will be safe out of sheer disinterest.

Whatyouactuallyget.

I have a job. I still pay rent. I don’t need your approval.

  • I will happily tell you you are being a f*ckwit.

    To your face. In plain words.

  • I will read the tweet before you send it.

    And the email. And the all-hands script. If the tone is off, you hear it from me, not the internet.

  • I will let you make a d*ck of yourself.

    After I have told you that you are about to. Your brand, your board, your legacy. Your call.

Whatyouarenotbuying.

No guarantees. I can show you the door. Walking through it is on you. No promises you won’t get the chop in a revolution anyway.

  • Not a financial adviser.

    Do not take investment advice from me. Take my opinion of the investment advice you already paid for.

  • Not a lawyer.

    I will tell you what I think. Your counsel will tell you what is legal. Sometimes those overlap.

  • Not a therapist.

    Although I will tell you, plainly, when you need one.

Questions.

Is this a joke?

The website is. The offer is not. If the money arrives, so do I.

Why a million dollars?

Because you would not listen to anyone who charged less. Also, I would like a million dollars.

What qualifies you?

Not much. I have been in the room while rich people did dumb things, a lot. If some of them had listened, they would still be rich, and/or fewer people would think they are a b*llend.

What if I don’t like what you say?

Then it is working. The fee is still non-refundable.

Can I pay less?

No. One price, one client, one year. Negotiation is for people who need the deal.

I’m not a billionaire. Can I apply?

Yes. See the asterisk. The price is the same, which is either very fair or very unfair depending on your net worth.

Is there a contract?

Yes. A short one. It says what this page says, and that nothing I tell you is professional advice of any kind.

Why should I trust you?

You should not, yet. That is what the year is for. I have no reputation in your world to protect and no reason to start building one now.

Do I have to listen to you?

No. You have to pay me. Listening is optional, which is exactly how it works with everyone else you pay.

Can my assistant apply for me?

They can fill in the form. They cannot be the client. If you cannot manage one honest conversation yourself, you need this more than most.

Will you sign an NDA?

Yes. Send it. I will read it, tell you which clauses are ridiculous, and sign it anyway.

What if I want a second year?

No. Give the seat to someone else. Recommend them if you like. That is the closest thing to a referral this has.

What happens if you die?

Then you got a partial year of honesty and a very good story. Refunds are still not a thing.

Do you take crypto?

No. Wire, from a bank, with your name on it. If that is a problem, it is the first thing we should talk about.

Is a million dollars tax deductible?

Ask your accountant, who is paid to say yes. Then ask me, who is not.

When will I hear back?

When I get to it. Unless you are the client. Then within 24 hours, unless it is the weekend.

Is this a guru type of thing?

F*ck no. I stood in the shower and thought some of these guys need a reality check. I am just not doing it for free.

Why New Zealand?

Because I live here. Also it is really nice here. Most of you already have a bunker or a holiday home down the road.

Can I stay anonymous?

To the world, yes. To me, no. I need to know who I am telling to stop.

Will you tell me I’m right?

If you are. Statistically, you will find that disappointing.

What if I don’t reply to you?

Then I have a very easy year. The fee is the same.

Can I fire you?

I expect so. I will be here when you cool down, and the year does not pause while you sulk. No refunds.

Can I meet you first?

No. You meet me after the wire. That is the first honest thing about this.

Are you a real person?

Unfortunately. Rent, kids, a job, and a strong opinion about your last decision.

Oneseat.Applyfor2027.

No form. No chatbot. Send an email. One person hears back. The rest hear nothing, which is also an answer.

New message

To
pleasehelp at adviceforbillionaires dot com
Subject
2027

Attach the following.

  • An NDA.

    Whatever you need me to sign. I will read it, which is more than your last three advisers did.

  • Proof you are who you say you are.

    Something I can check. Your assistant can send it, as long as it is real.

  • Willingness to commit.

    No deck, no intro call, no discovery phase. You’re in, or you’re out.

You or your assistant. I do not mind who presses send.

Send